You are braver than you think......

I have decided to begin working towards my PhD.  I love teaching at the college level.  To further my career at this level, I think a PhD will be beneficial.  I was thinking on my way to work this morning about how very difficult this task is going to be.  I have been thinking of putting it off, because the work load will be tremendous.  I am not certain I want to dedicate myself to that right now.  I recently moved to my dream house, and I have so much to do there.  Next year, both kids will be involved in sports, and shouldn't I wait until they are older?

I've come to the realization that I keep coming up with 800 million reasons why I can't do this right now because I am truly scared.  I am not afraid that I am not smart enough, I know that I am.  I have not forgotten graduate school, and that was really hard!  It was not hard because of what we had to learn, it was hard because the workload was do or die!  If you can survive this, you will get that MBA.  Of course I did.  I have never failed at a single thing I put my mind to completing.  It is a reasonable fear because there are not many people in the world that are successful at this level.  I have had all these things going through my mind, choking my reason and sanity.  Then I thought about this quote a colleague of mine got in his going away card last week (you know how I love quotes!).
Hope is a state of mind, not of the world.  Hope, in this deep and powerful sense, is not the same as joy that things are going well, or willingness to invest in enterprises that are obviously heading for success but rather an ability to work for something because it is good.-Vaclav Havel (1936)

I think about this and it makes me smile.  It is a good and noble thing to teach these students.  It is a great and wonderful thing to help them accomplish their dreams.  I can do this, and I can do this even better once I manage to obtain this PhD.  So, I am going to keep studying and kill this GRE.  I will get this done, because it is important to me and to the future of my family.  There is also a tiny vain part of me in there somewhere that can't wait for you all to call me Dr. Kathy!

Good day to you all, until next time.  Remember to keep hoping, because you are braver than you think.  KB

A Season for Change

“Progress is impossible without change, and those who cannot change their minds cannot change anything.” George Bernard Shaw



Change often requires a great deal of courage.  Courage for change is something I lack.  I think of my everyday existence, and am always amazed at how very much a creature of habit that I am.  I wake up at (about) the same time everyday.  I go directly to my coffee pot & make coffee.  I stand there and stare at the machine, willing it to make the coffee just a little faster.  Of course, it never does!  I make a cup, stirring in my sweet-n-low and creamer, and take my first drink.  That is the most magical moment of my morning.  I kill the first cup quickly, and now I can grudgingly face the day.  I get ready, straighten up around the house a bit, go to work, run errands, pick up kids and go back home.  Every week day is the same, and I really like that they are the same.  As I mentioned, I am a creature of extreme habit.  I am sure that there are many of you out there a lot like that.  We all have our routines that help to manage our cozy lives.
I need to make some changes, and I dread the very thought of it.  I need to get up every morning and exercise.  At almost 35, the cheeseburgers linger on my thighs now.  Nobody likes cheeseburger thighs.  I need to drink less caffeine, eat less junk food and definitely quit smoking cigarettes.  I need to learn to face the morning with a smile, although I doubt very seriously that is ever going to happen, because I am not a morning person.
I love my coffee, cheeseburgers and even my stinky cigarettes!  I don't want to give them up.  I lack the courage of my convictions.  I am a chicken!  
The simple truth behind all of this is that I am not very likely to live to be an old grandmother if I do not kick my unhealthy habits. Like Mr. Bernard says, progress is not possible without change.  
Change is difficult in other circumstances as well.  There is a time and season for everything and everyone also.  There are times when people are relevant to your life, and then they are not anymore.  This may occur for any number of reasons, and it does not necessarily mean that you do not care for them still.  That is just how the world turns!
 Change happens, life goes on and hopefully in there somewhere, we make a little progress.

That is all I have for today.  Did I mention that I hate Mondays??  Have a great week.  KB